Always Being Excluded

I don't mean to make this post too sappy but I just wanted to make a post because I don't think I'm the only one who experiences this.

My entire life, I've been in different friend groups. And in every single friend group, I have always been excluded by a few or all of them.

Now I'm aware some of you may think that I just need to find better friends and others may think that I'm the problem but I don't think so.

The reason as to why I think this is because I'm extremely quiet. I'm an introvert with social anxiety and I know I may not always be the life of the party, I still believe I am a kind person.

So I get extremely hurt and confused whenever my "friends" push me out of things. People say these things happen for a reason and that I'll find better friends in the future but it's been like this my entire life. I have had countless of friends enter my life and then leave out of the blue. I don't know if I'll ever find someone who will care about me as much as I care about them.

It makes me wonder if people don't want to be friends with me because I'm ugly, I'm boring, I'm short, I'm stupid, or all of that and more. I have always felt so alone and I can never trust anyone because they all turn their backs on me.

I cry every night because I've never felt like I was worth it to be completely honest. And maybe I'm not.

I know my entire motto is to be positive and whatnot, but sometimes I can't help it and I know I'm being a hypocrite since I made an entire post about positivity. It just sucks to feel so alone with no one there for you.

I don't even have a friend group anymore because no one includes me in anything. I basically just float around from person to person because I have a couple of different friends but from different groups.

Sometimes I think that I'm better off alone, though. At least from what I've seen, being in bigger groups only causes more drama and fights. Being alone means there is less anxiety and stressing over whatever someone said. But it would still be nice to have someone consider you as a best friend just like you would consider them as one.

I can never get rid of the heartache I go through everyday whenever I see all my peers hanging out with their friends while I'm by myself just wishing I had what they had. All of my peers are in relationships while a guy has never even looked in my direction because I'm not conventionally pretty.

I always tell myself that I'm fine because I really do believe it. I'm fine this way because I have been alone my entire life. It doesn't hurt now as much as it used to before.

I know many people experience the same feelings as me. I just want to say that you will be okay. Hopefully one day we will find people who will truly care about us. I don't know when that will be but I hope it's soon. I'm going to graduate high school in a couple of months so that means I will not see these people everyday ever again, so I'm looking forward to meeting new people in my college community. I'm honestly excited about that aspect the most.

Whatever occurs, I want you all to know that you are worth it. You are loved even if the people around you don't show it. We may not have the friends that love us, but one day, it will get better.

That is it for today, everyone. Thank you for reading.